Who doesn’t feel better when they complain just a little about their boss, or certain customers or co-workers? Complaining, as my husband Allen might say, is fundamental to bonding with others who are in the same misery as you are. Here’s the thing. A little complaining is a normal part of conversation and connecting sometimes. When complaining becomes part of the foundation of a corporate culture, then you’ve got a situation that needs immediate attention.
Offices can develop a culture through which employees bond with each other over complaining. It often starts with a legitimate complaint and then develops into employees supporting each other’s every grievance. Complaints turn into all they have to talk about with each other. Why wouldn't they? Employees will always be supported and loved if they bring it up.
This type of culture can slowly erode performance and morale, even with your highest potential team members. By constantly complaining out loud, the employee is reminded, continually, of all of the things they have to be upset about. Listening to others, they are given even more things to be upset about. Asking their friend to stop complaining is equivalent to asking their non-work friend to stop talking about their husband or job. Breaking a bond founded with complaints would be breaking an extremely integral part of their relationship. They might lose a friend.
In order modify this culture to one of proactivity and with a focus on what is going right each day, leaders need to not only stop the spreading of negativity, reactionary thinking, and low-level conversations, they also must build a completely separate relationship outside of the a task focused mindset.
When you think about talking to a friend about something you're frustrated with I bet you remember times you've chatted for hours. But it is much less often that we chat about things we love for that long. In a way, this would seem socially improper to do. To say that we "need to build a relationship built on positivity" would be naïve. It is much more realistic to emphasize building a working relationship that leans toward one that feels like a “friendship” would. Gallup reported that “All employees have "leaving moments," when they examine whether to leave or stay at an organization. The best managers in the world observe that the quality and depth of employees' relationships is a critical component of employee loyalty.”
Here are 3 steps to build a culture of productive conversations and to combat complaining:
Give them something else to talk about
The first way to get team members to stop talking about all of the bad things is to get them to quit talking about work for a second. If you thought, "Oh, I'll give them something good at work to talk about!", I can assure you that the amount of time and money you'd have to spend to create a work related perk that could compare to the things they have to complain about is a task few have pockets deep enough to conquer. Rather, it is much easier to simply give them something ELSE. Here are some ideas:
- Plan a lunch together (potluck)
- Plan a trivia game (maybe user questions about people in the office)
- Plan an office competition (who can raise the most ___ for charity)
- Go on a walk together
- Have a "bring your kids to work" day
- Plan a game lunch (board games)
- Create a "Lunch and Learn" where employees choose a random topic to discuss during lunch each week
The point is, create something else to break the monotony. Coworkers are still fellow humans. To get close to friends, family, partners, we have to make the effort to get to know them and build a relationship
Celebrate the small stuff
Get to the root cause of the complaining
Strategically used, these conversations can have positive effects on the way your team members handle their negative/reactive thoughts in the future, as well as how they view you and the company (you being a representative of the company).
Cultures of complaining in corporations are more common than not. We should count ourselves lucky when team members feel safe enough to speak up to their leaders when they have an issue. Without folks speaking up, how are we to know what we can do to improve our processes, systems of operations, relationships with clients, customers or citizens, and other team members.
The most important thing to realize in changing these cultures is that this is not a “gossipy group” that you can shrug off. These cultures are vastly impactful to those team members and the organization as a whole. Working to create a proactive, relationship-centered culture, will help you retain the team members you have and save you a bundle in rehiring costs.
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